Generally speaking, we tend to think that mediation is something that works just for people who get along well, that ultimately it is done for those who separate by patting themselves on the back. Without being entirely wrong, I can say that mediation is certainly a beautiful tool for these couples who separate peacefully, but that it is a tool all the more relevant for those who live in turbulent separations. The reality is that it is not so easy for everyone to express the substance of their thoughts clearly and calmly. Whether through individual caucuses or facilitated discussions, the mediator can help you share your perceptions, concerns and set achievable goals tailored to your situation.

The primary objective in mediation is to establish a channel of communication between parents, because we know how difficult it can be to reconcile the role of parent and that of a man or woman who must redefine his family unit while experiencing disappointment, frustration, a feeling of rejection or betrayal. The mediator then places himself in the role of a neutral person who can not only explain to you what your rights and obligations are, but who can also give you tools to express yourself.

We know that the people who come to see us are going through difficult times and our role is to accompany them in order to establish a game plan for the future. Defining the guidelines of a new family unit is more reassuring than we think, since it allows us to look to the future, rather than blame ourselves for the mistakes of the past. While parents must reconcile their interests and emotions, the mediator must ensure that the result obtained is fair but also that the interests of the child are respected. We are somehow the voice of the child during this process.

Finally, just because a separation is the result of serious communication difficulties does not mean that it is lost in advance for years to come as co-parents. Keep in mind that the objectives are different. Before, it is very likely that the purpose behind communication was to be loved by the other and to move forward in a functional couple relationship. Following the separation, the objective will be to meet the child’s needs by giving him, as a bonus, the image of parents who are no longer together but who know how to talk to each other and respect each other. If the purpose behind the communication changes, then so can the results. What do you think?

Me Josy-Anne Charette
Family lawyer and mediator
LP Avocate inc